Extreme Croquet--How to Guide and Review

How to play
The rules are fairly simple. The fundamentals include first obtaining a croquet set, as it is practically (although not entirely) impossible to play Extreme Croquet without one. Secondarily, it is imperative to locate the most undesirable terrain one might choose for a game of traditional croquet. When choosing a location, typically look for a rocky, perhaps even leafy surface with plenty of illogically disproportionate inclines and declines. You might also consider a locale with a healthy collection of locally collected litter. Beer cans and taco wrappers are an appropriate example. These items will serve as the backdrop for a course that will utterly confound and vex its players, perhaps even to the point of cheating or--more often than not--seemingly unprompted acts of violence.

The setup and rules are otherwise the same as those of traditional croquet, with the exception being that you will want to purchase some incredibly inexpensive beer to accompany the maddening chaos that will ensue. Unbeknownst to many novices, inexpensive beer is available in a variety of sizes, from the typical 12-ounce can to its popular big brother, the "Tall Boy." For this, as for many other occasions, the Tall Boy is the more appropriate choice, as it will become warm and flat as the game progresses, adding to the irritability of Extreme Croqueters, thus making play more exhilarating.


Perhaps the greatest (if only) benefit to this exciting and potentially dangerous sport is its portability. Because the course need not be in any way smooth or stable, this game would travel quite well to campouts, tailgate parties and even the wooded space beside a railyard, should you choose to retire to the quiet life of a hobo.